When making friends at this age, the most important thing is to respect boundaries. Everyone has their own life and space. If others want to talk, they will naturally mention it. If there is a mentality of “I am old friends with you and you don’t even talk about it, I know it.” That is not the other person’s problem, but yours. problem. No one has to answer to anyone except their parents. Knowing to stop and knowing to accept means knowing which position to stop, which is a personal cultivation for making friends. Why cultivation? Because everyone is curious, but people who know how to respect other people’s space will know how to restrain their curiosity and gossip because of respect. Those who do not understand the respect for boundaries and step over them are putting their strong “desire for knowledge” higher than the boundaries of mutual friendship.
If you are not 18 or 22 years old, do you still play those childish things like “If you don’t say anything, I know, you just don’t have enough friends”? The more mature people are, the more they understand that in a truly friendly relationship, there is a tacit understanding between each other. This is the “sense of boundaries” of friendship. Only by leaving a little space for everyone can we have a comfortable and long-term heart-to-heart relationship. Therefore, there are some things that I will never take the initiative to ask about, no matter how old I am, such as assets, annual salary, relationships, past, etc. Firstly, I firmly believe that everyone does not need to explain to anyone else, and the people who least need to explain are friends; secondly, if people want to talk and they trust you, they will naturally tell you.
Of course, the same amount of money can support all kinds of people, and there are still a lot of people in society who have no “sense of boundaries.” Of course, I have also been asked all kinds of personal questions that are offensive. The other person may not be a bad person, they are just gossiping without any sense of proportion. Therefore, there is no need to get angry. If you understand Taiji, you will know that it is wiser to release force than to impact. This is also the best way to deal with interpersonal relationships – smile and don’t answer, and the soldiers will block it, but the horse’s steps must be steady. If you don’t say it, you won’t say it. People can’t help it. What do you care about? If the other party continues to “ask without shame”, I have a tried-and-true method: smile and say, “Actually, what do you want to know?” No one wants to admit to themselves that they are gossiping. If you have ever met someone who has no “sense of boundaries”, you will cherish friends who know how to measure, respect each other’s space, and even protect your space in front of others.
The writer Sanmao said this very well: “No matter how close friends are, they must not miss the mark. If they think they are familiar, they will become isolated.” Because if you cross the boundary when you open your mouth, in addition to satisfying your own curiosity, you have no influence on the relationship. A little benefit.
Written by: Li Jiamin
Column name: Women who tackle key problems